Sweet Sacred Inspiration
Whether it’s ringing in a New Year or celebrating a birthday or the anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis, any time of renewal brings me quickly to the deep gratitude for the gift of each new day and a recommitment to live my best life to the glory of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Of course, I fall short many days but it is a good road map toward the sincerest appreciation of all for which God has blessed me. Today, I’ve thought a lot about a poem I wrote in the midst of my first year of my breast cancer journey in 1999…almost 17 years ago. As we know, the life struggles we experience really do strengthen us and offer to us some valuable lessons in life that we might not have received were it not for those struggles. Those boosts in strength and the lessons obtained enhance our days of living for certain. Reflecting on what we gained through the struggle strengthens our renewal of life many years later. Here’s my poem: Sweet Sacred Inspiration I walk through dark, deep water Feeling the pull of the struggle Knowing that time passes on. My feet stumble in weakness as My soul searches for sweet sacred inspiration. I feel the rhythm of my heartbeat Ripple through the water as I move forward Seeking relief from the weight of suffering. The journey teaches me determination as My soul searches for this sweet sacred inspiration. Days of the past capture my thoughts My mind’s eye sees children playfully wading. A child turns her face and I look into my own youthful eyes. The pull of the struggle is revealed as the Guide. Sweet Sacred Inspiration awaits me as I cross over to the other side....
Read MoreBe Still and Know…
Those who know me well, have heard me say many times that, for me, my breast cancer journey was more of a spiritual journey than an illness. As I reflect on that now, I find myself being so very thankful…feeling so blessed along those paths. Did I WANT cancer? Absolutely NOT!!! Was it horrifically challenging along the way? Oh, yes, indeed! Did I learn a lot from the experience and grow as I trod those paths? Without a doubt, immensely. Some say, cancer is a great teacher. I know who the teacher is…it is God, the Creator of the Universe, the Giver of Life, the Lover of our Souls. Now, I was one of those patients whose chemotherapy made me very sick and I had extreme fatigue. I lived alone and my two grown daughters lived out-of-state. Divorced after 26 years of marriage. Yes, I lived alone. Some were concerned about that, but I felt confident that God could handle this and I would trust in Him. God’s Holy Spirit was my CONSTANT companion. I was NEVER alone. I found my own lump as I folded my arm up across my chest settling into bed after putting my little granddaughters to bed. God led me to it. You might be laughing, “right, Pat.” But, He did and that’s all there is to it. My fingertips barely touched my gown and “BINGO! What the heck is THAT?” Out of the bed I jumped, felt it and knew without a doubt that this was “different.” Went back to bed and said nothing about the discovery to my daughter and wee ones as I left the next day on my 7 hour drive back home from Nashville to Statesville, NC. The following day I began all the doctor visits, all confirming, “yes, this is different.” So, the sickness and the extreme fatigue…I was so sick, that it seemed I could not lie deeply enough into my mattress…but that was part of the deal. I could not do ANYTHING except lie there, be sick, take my meds guided by a chart by my bed and sometimes, just sometimes, think. That’s where God really had my back. Even in the absolute weakest times, when I could not utter a word of prayer, the blessing in that is that God’s Holy Spirit intercedes and prays for us. Romans 8:26 “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” What a comfort that was and still is today. Sometimes I would just lie there and think of favorite scriptures and one that is so powerful is Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” Such a gift; such a promise…forever!!Be Still and Know If we know and trust THAT, what else is there? The song attached here is “Be Still and Know” by the Fray. I enjoy it so very much and thought on this day, with everything going on in our world, I would share it for a purposeful refocusing… “Be still and know that I am God.” ...
Read MoreBreast Cancer Awareness
It’s October again and that means cooler days & nights, the fall foliage expressing its beauty, ghosts and goblins here and there as well as a focus, thankfully, on Breast Cancer Awareness. When I was diagnosed in the spring of 1999, I was given a 70% chance of surviving five years. Surgeries, chemotherapy and ten years of hormone therapy gave me the best chance to live the longest possible. I feel very blessed to be living joyfully 14 years later. Thank you, Lord! I was committed to helping others understand that early detection saves lives so that others might avoid all that comes with the diagnosis and treatment. I found my lump myself even though I had had the prescribed mammograms and regular check-ups. Doctors say that mine had most likely been growing inside me for 8 years. It was large and had spread to one of 24 lymph nodes removed. Had I not detected the lump, my outcome could have been very different. Self-exams are such an easy thing to do. Hang a reminder card in the shower and on the 1st of the month EVERY month, let those ten fingers do a most important check on you. It could truly save your life! Don’t put it off. Don’t think “I’m too young.” Don’t think,”I don’t have a family history so I don’t need to be concerned.” I had no family history of breast cancer except for an uncle. YES!! My uncle. Men get breast cancer too, so everyone needs to do self exams. How important is this? Well, in these 14 years I have lived & loved since my diagnosis & treatment, I have had two more grandchildren born, I have seen one of my daughters marry and have built meaningful memories with my family and friends. My faith is stronger and I am so grateful for each day I have. My post breast cancer life motto is “Don’t Waste the Miracle!” And I am not! Praise God from whom ALL blessings...
Read MoreRevisiting “Why We Walk…”
I find myself still decluttering after the move (will I EVER be done?) and came across a CD of videos my daughter, Shelley, had created and found this treasure. Thank you, Shelley, for all your encouragement over the years, for your energy and commitment to furthering breast cancer awareness. Why We...
Read MoreOctober- Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Here it is again, October! My birthday month, the beginning of fall which I love so, pumpkins, the cooler, crisp air and the beauty of falling colorful leaves. Wow!! But an even bigger WOW!! is the fact that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month…a time when women and men are reminded that “early detection saves lives” and “there is hope for a world without the beast we know as breast cancer.” For me, it’s been 13 1/2 years since I was diagnosed. How time flies! This October I am focusing on two things regarding breast cancer: 1) I am celebrating the joys over the years that I have been blessed to live since my diagnosis, two mastectomies, chemotherapy and return to the world of women with hair! Along the journey of breast cancer, I gained so much! Not in pounds but in an awareness of perspective…even in the midst of the extreme sickness, unreal fatigue, loosing my hair and realizing I had “a 70% chance of surviving 5 years” that life is so good and full of gifts that we sometimes don’t see EXCEPT in the darker days. 2) I want to do my part in sharing the message of hope to those experiencing the journey of life-threatening illness while at the same time inspiring the not yet afflicted to be diligent about doing self-exams (I found my lump myself), seeing your doctor for regular check-ups and having a mammogram every year after age 40 or earlier if you have family history. When I found the lump in my breast, I immediately knew it felt different and that I should get to my doctor immediately. Quickly, tests indicated it was suspicious and just as quickly I had my surgery and began life-saving treatment. The surgery, in my case, was fairly easy. The chemo was dreadful. Each person responds to treatment in different ways. It depends on what drugs you are given and how your body responds. Living alone as my two grown daughters live out of state, I had many friends and my brother who checked on me, helped me in a variety of ways and ministered to me throughout. My girls would come to visit on weeks when I felt better in the cycle of treatment every 3 weeks. This worked well and we had opportunity to love and laugh and encourage and support one another that way. EARLY DETECTION SAVES LIVES!!!!! Tru dat! Had I not found my lump, my story would be dramatically different. We learned from surgery and pathology reports that my tumor was large and that the cancer had metastasized into one of 24 lymph nodes removed. So, it had begun to spread but only to one. Time was critical, so had I not discovered it, the cancer would have continued to spread and it does spread quickly, we know. THE MESSAGE OF HOPE MATTERS!!!! Tru dat, too! I was like an empty earthen vessel on my journey that God filled to over-flowing. He filled me with lessons, awareness, and gifts. One of the biggest lessons, awareness and gifts He laid on my reaching up heart was that I had so much while so many others had so little. I had good doctors, good insurance, family and friends, my church to support and encourage me. I knew the Lord intimately and was filled with His Holy Spirit. Though I had spent many years working in an outreach career certainly sympathetic to those in need, God poured into my vessel an even deeper realization that so many people are ALONE! So on days & nights when...
Read MoreSuch a Question From a 5 Year Old!
As my little 5 year-old granddaughter and I walked to my car after a fun swim, she called my name, “Grandma?” I turned to look at her and saw her precious little figure, still dripping wet glistening in the bright sun. Hair up in a sweet pony tail and a pink and white beach towel wrapped around her little body…”Grandma, do you forget your memories when you die?” I asked her to repeat the question because I wasn’t quite certain I had understood her correctly. “Do you forget your memories when you die?” A few times in this longer than usual visit with my Florida family, she has asked me questions about dying as well as telling me that I am almost 100 years old, so I think her little mind sees me as fairly ANCIENT! Wow! What a question from such a little girl! So as we gathered our “noodles, towels and snack bag” into the car, I considered her question. Hmm…I had never really thought about MY memories when I die…I have always thought about the memories of others like my family. In fact, I have thought about the great value of their memories of me and our time together here on earth especially since my breast cancer diagnosis, I have intentionally done my best to craft experiences hoping to create good and lasting memories with my loved ones. Emma’s question created a whole new line of thinking for me. God created us in love, to love and most of my favorite memories are ones sealed not only in my mind but my heart as well. Why would He create us this way if not to carry those memories throughout Eternity? “Well, Emma, I really don’t know for sure, but I think we still have our memories when we die and go to Heaven. You know, when we die and go to Heaven , we are with God and the people who have loved us and have died and are already in Heaven are there to greet us when we arrive. They are happy to see us and welcome us with open arms. So that makes me think they still have their memories of when we were together in our earthly lives.” “Oh,” she said. “I was just wondering about that.” Well, Emma, now Grandma is wondering about that, too, and I shall think about it often, I am...
Read More5 Year Old in “Big Church”
One recent Sunday, my daughter and her teammates from their mission trip to Guatemala were being recognized for their work, so the 5 and 8 year old grandchildren went to “big church” with us. Palm Beach Community Church is a progressive, inclusive Christian church that I really enjoy attending when visiting my family in Florida. Their music is a big part of their worship service each Sunday. They have a live band which leads the congregation in contemporary Christian songs. They are quite talented. The children enjoyed the music and clapped along in making a “joyful noise unto the Lord.” One wonders when young children attend “big church” just how much they listen and really take in. The pastor had said something about someone being 100 years old. I was sitting in between my two grandchildren and Emma, the 5 year old, looked up at me and said, “Grandma, YOU’RE almost 100 years old…you’re 67!” I just smiled at her saying nothing because: 1) I don’t think anyone has ever told me that I am almost 100 years old and I was surprised; and 2) My mind drifted off into an explosive thought process of “Gee, she’s right! I’m 2/3 the way there!” “Hmmm…I AM nearing 100 years of age because I’m closer to 100 than to 1!” Then, I began to think about “What have I done with these 67 years? How have I served God? What does God think as He sees me living my life and is it at all what He has had in mind for my life?” BIG QUESTIONS!! So often, children present some of the most contemplative questions. This one REALLY got me to thinking and my thoughts quickly went to the spring of 1999 when I was diagnosed with Stage 2 ductal and lobular breast cancer. Going through the surgeries and chemotherapy that year gave me lots of time to ponder the gift of life from my gracious Creator and how I was chosing to live this gift of life on earth. I learned some wonderful lessons throughout my breast cancer journey and received a host of blessings which moved me to forming a post breast cancer Life Motto: “Don’t Waste the Miracle!” Life itself is, indeed, a miracle. So, for the 13 years of life I have been blessed with since that diagnosis, it has been my goal to love more deeply, to laugh more joyously and to create nurturing memories in as much of my living as possible. I want my two daughters and four grandchildren to get every possible ounce of goodness that God and I can help create while I am here. Little tiny bits of joy with a loving mother/grandmother that they can cling to and draw from when I am no longer here…that’s my goal. So, yes, Miss Emma, I am almost 100! Thank you, dear, for the shocking reminder!!...
Read MoreBeyond Sight
So often, we find ourselves in circumstances where all we really want to do is “Get Out!” Retreating, giving up, withdrawing are ways of coping and we all, most likely, have taken those paths at sometime or another. Of course, there are times that those options just might be the best thing for us to do. But, more often, I think, when we face harsh and devastating circumstances, we might WANT to retreat but what will actually get us out is standing firm, waiting and trusting that God will lead us out of our wilderness. It’s extremely difficult and challenging, but remaining faithful and working towards God’s will and timing allows us to remain positive and receive His blessing. Just in the last few months, some of my family and friends have found themselves in unbearable circumstances…situations in which they did nothing to cause. Many of us have wondered, “How do they do this? How in this world are they holding themselves up? What’s going to happen?” The truth is that they have help staying “up.” They all have faith in God as our Creator, our Savior and the Lover of our Souls. They trust that God will see them through their walk in the wilderness and lead them to solutions. They also know that their community of believers are lifting them up in prayers from which they gain strength and courage. Many times, our wilderness walks are long…way too long, we think. These wanderings in the wilderness are often filled with obstacles, winding paths, pitfalls and forks in the road where we have choices to make. Questions present themseves: “How did I get here?” “Where do I go from here?” “Will this ever be over or am I going to be in this wilderness forever?” For my friends and family, I have seen them wrestle with these questions, while at the same time, remain faithful and trust in God’s wisdom. Imagine yourself wandering in a wilderness that is completely foreign to you. Is there ANYONE you would rather have at your side, taking those steps right with you, leading you to your choices than God our Creator? Many times we find that just staying the course and pushing through is the best choice we can make. And, even in the worst of circumstances as we wander, we realize that along with those bumps in the road and the horrific pitfalls, we receive blessings and lessons that enrich our lives forever…ones we would not have experienced had we not been in that wilderness trying like crazy to get out. Looking past our circumstances…beyond what we know, see & feel, there is always something lurking just around the corner and it just might be an opening out of the wilderness into the most beautiful light imagineable…crafted by our Great Creator & Tour Guide. Praise God from Whom ALL blessings...
Read MoreThe best thing about the future…
Abraham Lincoln said, “The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.” Are you like me in that you have some days which at the end of the day, you find yourself giving thanks that that particular day is coming to a close? I count everyday a gift, but that doesn’t mean everyday is easy, fun and exciting. I have never had a day that I was willing to give it up…to say to God, I’ve had enough, I don’t want this day. Take it back. Lincoln had the same perspective that I think many of us do at times and that is that one particular day is about as challenging as they come. THOSE are the days that make me so thankful that they come to us one at a time. In talking with my niece who has been sick and now slowly recovering since November 11, the other day we remarked about God’s wisdom in keeping the future a “secret” from us because surely, if we knew how long a road to regaining her health was going to be in the beginning, we might not have been able to cope so well. It reminded me of my days one summer 13 years ago when I was taking chemotherapy for breast cancer…the side effects got worse and worse with each treatment. I knew I was to have four rounds so I marked them off one at a time and celebrated, 25% there…50% there, 75% there and, hallelujah, I’m done!!!! With each new symptom and problem, it was good I did not know in advance what it was going to be like and how long those days and weeks and months would seem. The future…for those of us believers in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the future is HOPE! Hope of Life Abundant, Life Eternal and Life for always and forever in...
Read MoreHug of A Lifetime!
Each of us has our own way of dealing with a cancer diagnosis in the family. Some of us are nearly immobilized by fear; some cling to denial and others, like my first-born, find a way to fight back. My older daughter was in Mexico studying for much of the time while I was enduring chemotherapy. She returned to Atlanta when I was at the mid-point of my treatments. On one of her visits to me in NC, she shared with me that she was going to walk in the AVON 3-Day Breast Cancer Walk which was 60 miles. She explained that it was a way she felt she could fight back by raising awareness and money for breast cancer research so that others would not have to endure what breast cancer patients have to endure. Now, she was not a runner or even a regular walker. Sixty miles is a long way, I offered, but she was determined she could do it. “Mom, how bad can it be when I compare it to what you have gone through these four months!?” So the training, talking, encouraging others to join her began. All this was going on as she continued working on her 2nd degree in college. She kept me posted throughout her training and fundraising by getting people to sponsor her as I continued my chemo treatments…each of us pushing ourselves…her to go further…me…to manage my side effects of nausea and extreme fatigue. Both of us working to stay strong. My third treatment was the most difficult with the nausea being the most horrendous causing me to need IV fluids three days the following week. One more treatment to go…I can do this became my mantra!! My other daughter became engaged and planned a wedding for November. Surely I would be stronger by then. Perhaps, I would even have hair again! I did not tell my Atlanta daughter that I was planning to surprise her in Atlanta the weekend of the Walk. I prayed and prayed that I would be strong enough to drive the 4 hours to Atlanta. My son-in-law was to keep the secret. My doctor helped me out by giving me some steroids prior to my last treatment to help with the side effects. Boy, did that work!!! Not only did I not have the bad nausea, I had appetite and could eat!! Woo-hoo! I got through my last treatment which gave me a few weeks to recuperate and I drove to Atlanta to surprise my little Energizer Bunny! I arrived the day after she started. The next day, we rode the route shouting encouragement to the walkers making certain she was not in particular groups to spoil the fun. We knew where their “lunch stop” was to be so we went there planning the surprise. I was so pumped I felt like I could have done the walk. (However, that definitely was not the case!) My son-in-law found me a chair and I sat along the side of the road where she would enter the “lunch stop.” We watched and cheered hundreds by hundreds who arrived ready for their break. How exciting this was. I was wearing my favorite cap of black sequins with big gold-sequin stars which I called my “Celebrate Life” cap. Finally, I stepped out into the road on top of the hill they were climbing, looked at the next group coming forward and I spied her. She was leading the pack, on the very front of her group. I raised my hand and I saw her hold her arms...
Read MoreDiagnosis – Breast Cancer!
In March 1999, I was visiting my daughter and granddaughters in Nashville and had just gotten the kids tucked in bed. I decided to go to bed myself and was trying to determine how to position my left arm as I lay on my left side. Hang it off the bed or bend it up over my chest??? My fingertips gently brushed over the right side of my right breast and I felt a different-feeling lump. What’s this?? I examined it more closely and just knew it was not a good thing. I prayed, “Lord, I hand this right over to You because I believe it is bigger than I can handle on my own. May your Holy Spirit be in charge!” Without telling my daughter about my discovery, the next day I drove home to NC and saw my doctor in two days. “It does seem suspicious, Pat. Let’s get a mammogram and an ultrasound.” Seeing the ultrasound, I was sent to a surgeon who said he wanted to get a biopsy. Two days later, I ended up having a quadrantectomy because the tumor was so large. The surgeon came in and said, “Well, it is malignant so I want to see you in my office tomorrow and we’ll discuss your options.” I left thinking, “options?? I want it OFF!” Within a week I had a mastectomy, met my oncologist and learned I would need chemotherapy and that my chances of survival were 70% to live 5 years. I remember thinking, “Oh, wow! 70% chance of living 5 years…just 5 years?” My daughter and two granddaughters came to NC from Nashville to help me after the mastectomy. The girls were 6 & 10 yrs. old. They asked, “Grandma, can we see your scar?” I told them yes and that it looked really ugly right then, but that it would look much, much better. There they stood with their little faces pressed practically at my chest as I opened my PJ top. I saw their serious little faces and they simultaneously said, “WOW!” It was a shock for them. I had always been well endowed and the 10 yr old, looking at my new one-breasted chest asked, “Grandma, will they remove the other one?” I told her they may but that it would be later. Then, the most precious thing happened. As the two of them left my bedroom, the 6 yr old stopped, with her hand on one hip and twinkles in her eyes looked at me and said, “Well, just think, Grandma, if they do, YOU WILL BE JUST LIKE US!!” I needed that perspective. Thank you, God! Children DO have a way of bringing a fresh, new perspective to things. About 10 days after starting my chemotherapy, my hair began to fall out. I wasn’t really too focused on the loss of hair. My focus was on saving my life, or as much of it as possible. The hair on the top of my head fell out first in globs. As I looked at myself in the mirror, all I could think about was Bozo the Clown. Nothing on top and plenty around the sides and back. So my 6 year old granddaughter and I went to the salon. She held my hand as the stylist buzzed the rest away. That little 6 year old child was a precious, young living example of LOVING someone through adversity. When we got home, I put a ball cap on…always wanted to wear caps but I never looked good in them. The funniest thing came next. I was...
Read MoreThe Value of Family and Love
My brother and I were born to two wonderful, loving, fun and supportive parents. We were the only children and we have always been close, which is a blessing in both our lives. We were raised in the church and had a good family life. Our parents instilled in us appreciation and respect for all people. They taught us about kindness and compassion. My brother has always been a genuine, caring man and NEVER meets a stranger. Our father passed away from a sudden heart attack when he was 61 years old. Heart disease was heavy in his family background and he did well making it to age 61. Our grandfather and two of our uncles all died from sudden heart attacks in their early 40s. Our mother passed away from a stroke when she was 78. We miss them both so much. But we’re glad we have each other and our own families. My brother was so supportive of me throughout my breast cancer journey. He was there for all my surgeries, took me to most of my chemotherapy appointments and called and visited me frequently. Since I was divorced and my two grown daughters lived out of state, I lived alone. But, I NEVER FELT ALONE…EVER! By directing our local United Way since 1984, I had a public life where I worked with many, many amazing volunteers, staff and agency representatives. Working on community problems and issues draws you close together and truly caring for one another naturally evolves. I’ve always felt that I was surrounded by many “chosen” family. During the months of surgeries and chemo treatment, my church family, and my natural & chosen families all reached out to me and walked every step of the path right with me. I was and still am so very blessed. I share this in my blog so that I can explain something so strong and powerful that God’s Holy Spirit put on my heart during these months and now years. This lesson was simple but so powerful to me that it became very important in my thoughts, prayers and actions. I got hundreds of phone calls and cards and letters from people telling me they were praying for me. Many of them shared that their church or Sunday School class was praying for me regularly…sometimes, people I didn’t even know. Every time I heard or read this, I felt bathed in love and encouragement…by God and the people. Then, it became overwhelming. My surgeon even said to me one day, “You must know everyone in Iredell County because I can’t go anywhere without having people ask about you.” We laughed about that. I said it’s just because this is my hometown. But the truth is this…I had so much love and caring. It overwhelmed me in a way that I realized I needed to focus on people that were going through the same or similar thing as I was and some of them had no one to support them like I did. It became quite important to me that I reach out to everyone with whom I came in contact and see them as a person I needed to share God’s love with. Even having worked my adult life in a charitable problem-solving career, this new awareness was mind-blowing for me. I was really, really sick during the chemo months and this “gift of awareness” that God gave me meant so much to me. I saw it as another reason to fight like crazy to recover and get to work. So I began to share this message...
Read MoreBreast Cancer Awareness
It’s the last day of October and as a 12-year breast cancer survivor, I am committed to doing what ever I can to raise awareness about the high priority of self-exams every month. I found my own tumor even though I had annual mammograms. Self-exams, annual visits with your doctor and regular mammograms are the best tools women have in fighting this disease. Early Detection Saves Lives!
Read MoreWhat's Your Passion?
National Audubon Society
Help support the efforts of our National Audubon Society in conservation of natural bird habitats. Visit: www.birds.audubon.org